NaBloPoMo 17: All the Letters I Owe

┬áThe lovely Chandra, owner of Greer in Chicago, and the only stationery and correspondence purveyor worth mention, posted this song by Stephanie McKay on Twitter a few moments ago. I was listening to it with my eyes closed. I’ve been spending a lot of time with my eyes closed of late, since my seizure and the radiation treatments make it hard for me to keep them open. It makes me feel acutely what I cannot do, how limited my ability to focus is right now and how disconcerting that is.

I owe letters to friends and I cannot focus enough to write them. I love writing letters! Choosing stationery, when pen or typewriter to use, trying to decorate an envelope in a fun way with stamps or tape or something. Something I even write a bit of nothing just to say “hello.” I love getting letters, and it breaks my heart right now to not send any and to keep fighting to keep my eyes open.

But sometimes just listening with closed eyes can be nice. Maybe I should try to give myself permission to do that.